It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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