hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize