If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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