If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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