Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
