How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
