U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
