come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish you could order shots online.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
