I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
