When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
