Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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