i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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