someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
