I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he shaved USA in his pubs
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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