I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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