I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
