she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize