you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
