I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
