There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
