its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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