why didn't you poke me back
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize