is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
