Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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