Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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