Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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