she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
