It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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