She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
