So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i think im in europe. pls send help
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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