Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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