I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
