Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The air was thick with penises
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
