Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just cropdusted the office
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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