2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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