areolas are like halos for boobs.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize