Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
