i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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