I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
