What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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