Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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