I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
