Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
