Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
