So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
