Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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