in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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