Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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