Non-Jews are for practice
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
