So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
