pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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