Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
