Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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