So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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