I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
