Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
