if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
