while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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