Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
