he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
