I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
