I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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