i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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