dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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