At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We left the knife in your bed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
