Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
