Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
