her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
