Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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