i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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