Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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